Plenty of clever people sail the seven seas, which has led to plenty of names that will stick in your mind even after you’re finished with the article. Some will make you groan with obvious puns, and some are a little more thinky, though once you puzzle out the wordplay, you’ll get yet another chuckle.
Heavy Metal Fan
Please headbang responsibly. Wear a lifejacket, and don't get your heavy metal hair caught in any moving parts. It kind of looks like this name was taped on using electrical tape or duct tape, but that's actually a pretty good approximation of the Slayer logo; I just edited the smallest bit. It almost takes a moment to see that it's actually a homophone of “sailor.”
Turn that dial all the way to eleven, and hope that the liquid all around you is actually water when you take this ship out to sea and start to blast your favorite band.
Look Closely
Boat owners and nerds don't often overlap, but when they do, wonderful things happen. One of the wonderful things is the name of this next boat, Error 404 Fish Not Find. Now, of course, you don't need us to tell you that a 404 error is when someone tries to navigate to a website's page, and while the website itself does exist, the specific page doesn't.
And the fisherman is the same way. He knows the water is there, and the fish are in the water, but what if he (or she) can't find the right fish? They get an error.
A Meal From Across the Pond
This one is a hefty two-fer. It's a nautical pun and a reference to women! I hesitate to call it inappropriate since it merely mentions the existence of women, but if that's what floats your boat (ha!), go ahead.
Fish & Chicks is a play on a classic United Kingdom meal, fish and chips, which we would call fish and fries, but they got their words all mixed up over there. This boat is all about two things: Gross slimy monsters and fish. We kid, we kid.
Farewell to Boats
Say goodbye to this painful pun. The Sea Ya, huh? How long did it take you to come up with that one? How many crumpled-up sheets of lined yellow paper fill the trash can of this owner? Did he jolt awake in the middle of the night shouting Eureka?
One way or the other, we're sure he's happy for that load off his mind. We just hope nobody in the family had to ask for clarification because this is just about the lowest of the low when it comes to the branches of the humor tree. What would be funnier is if this boat is pretty slow, so people call out see ya to it as they pass.
Think About It
Plenty of boat owners have had trouble coming up with a good name for their new vessel. It has to be clever, it has to be nautical, and it has to be unique. This is where we got the name Knot Shore, which also has the added benefit of giving us some insight into the owner's difficulty in christening his addition to the marina.
It's a good name, it's a conversation starter, and it's punchy enough to stick in mind in a good way. There's also the fact that it's a great way to start a “Who's on First” style running gag, though hopefully not too often, or the owner will start to lose friends.
A Friend Indeed
Now here's a name that you might not think twice about. But when given a few moments, you will notice the many layers that came together to create Friendship.
So, first off, the word ship is in the name. That right there, that's a pretty good starting point. But let's dig deeper – does the name state that the ship itself is a friend? Is the name supposed to exclaim the owner's love for one of life's simple joys? Maybe, in fact, the owner likes to spend his time with friends. Whatever the underlying message, we bet this boat has been the spot for plenty of parties.
I Sea What You Did There
We're getting the feeling that all of these names are going to be puns. I guess you could call it... A sinking feeling.
Water U Lookin' At is an interesting name, to say the least. It has a drop of ocean humor — if you can call it humor. It also seems to be needlessly antagonistic, and if the Coast Guard comes calling, then hopefully tempers won't rear their ugly heads, especially since bullhorns make it a little bit difficult to distinguish someone saying a name of a ship from someone just shouting angrily. No, we aren't going to apologize for that sinking feeling pun. It's better for you to get used to it now.
Ahead of Its Time
The owner of this boat must have some experience under his belt. Not a lot of boating experience, if the name Uh-oh! gives us any indication, but he at least has experience of his own history out on the water, which may be why he chose to paint this name upside-down.
That's not the kind of name you forget, especially if you see it right-side-up. Hopefully, the owner has a couple of life jackets, a flare gun, and an inflatable raft stashed away in there. The seas are often rough, which means that this name might end up being prescient.
Should Have Seen It Coming
Has this person never heard of tempting fate? The Titanic went down to the icy depths more than a hundred years ago, but the story is still with us. This boat owner decided to add his modest ship to the long list of sea-faring vessels that have borne this legendary name, and then the predictable happened.
Titanic II at least had a lower body count. While the original ended up being the final trip for over fifteen hundred people, this disaster was somewhat smaller in scale, resulting in zero deaths and a couple of pretty funny pictures.
It Is What It Is
Anything can happen on the open water. From a dolphin attack to a tsunami, there are lots of eventualities. Such is the same in life in general, which is why this philosopher boat owner has named this vessel Ship Happens. The placement of the ladder on the aft almost gives it a censored look.
Thankfully, jumping onto a boat and taking to the water is a great way to escape the craziness of life, and having a boat that announces your thoughts on things like flat tires, annoying co-workers, and house repairs is a good way to put it out of your mind and relax a little.
Just Being Honest
We can only hope this is the only other woman in this man's life, or the wife is going to end up being pretty upset. The name of this boat, The Other Woman, at least speaks to an honest approach, since we imagine if this is the kind of name the man gave his boat, his better half is the kind that demands a certain amount of honesty. At least he isn't trying to keep his two loves secret from one another.
Though that raises an interesting question: does the boat know where the owner goes at night? Does the boat wonder who the *other* other woman is?
So Bad It's Good
"Breaking Bad" was one of the most well-regarded and famous shows to ever hit television. A cross between a crime drama and a Shakespearean tragedy, the show ran from 2008 to 2013 on AMC. There are plenty of people who are still big fans, and one chooses to dub his ship "Breaking Bass," taking inspiration not only from the name but from the show's logo.
We'll see a couple of other ship or boat names that merge a pair of loves, such as television and fishing, and they're always fun. They might not be as clever as some of the other names, but they're still memorable.
Practical Thinking
A hoard of ravenous zombies racing after someone is a common fear (even though murder hornets are what we should really be scared of. Or just normal dogs! If the dogs turn on us, we're all doomed!). Of course, conventional wisdom tells us that the risen dead can't swim. We don't know why that's the conventional wisdom, but apparently, even though they've clawed their way out of their graves and can walk on two legs, swimming is just craziness.
So why not spread this piece of handy knowledge with a boat named Zombies Can't Swim. Hopefully, they have some food, water, and shotgun shells aboard, too.
Drinks Like a Fish
This is only slightly better. The owner of the Aquaholic is at least upfront about the addiction, which is the first step toward recovery.
An addiction to anything can be dangerous, and spending too much time boating can be detrimental, and it may even be more expensive than anything else you buy from a shady man in a van. At least...you know, the similarities are starting to line up. You might lose friends, you might start to lose teeth (if you're that bad at piloting your boat), but at least you can come up with a funny name for your boat.
No Need to Dig a Tunnel
The Great Escape, the movie, is a classic film set in a World War II POW camp, starring Steve McQueen, Donald Pleasence, Charles Bronson, and plenty of other huge figures. It was a triumph, which may be why this owner has named his boat after the film.
In the film, the POWs use a number of escape methods to get away from their German captors, but this method seems to be singular. All you have to do is jump aboard and start the engine—no need for digging, motorcycles, or learning German. Still seems pretty great.
A Sailing Seal
The cutest captain to sail the seven seas is ready to cast off. The Sea Wiener, giggle-worthy name aside, at least doesn't include any nautical puns. I mean, it has the word “sea” in the name, but as far as we can tell, it isn't a pun. It also has some regal artwork of a dachshund next to it, so you know exactly what the name means. No confusion here.
And look! You can even see the wiener in question in the picture, lazing on his perch and just waiting for another chance to hit the waves. Can't you sea him?
Always Fighting
It's clear these boats are two parts of a pair. We aren't sure if they're owned by the same person who has his pick of seafaring equipment; they're under the auspices of a pair of siblings who have spent their lives in squabbles or a husband-and-wife team who spend plenty of time nipping at each other's heels.
When they're in these boats, the boats do the talking. As far as the “wood” part of Wood Too and Wood Not refer to, we can only assume the boats are painted wood. We wonder which wood win in a race?
Me and the Buoys
We haven't seen nautical puns in a while. The Yeah Buoy seems like a party boat, and with a berth in Milwaukee, WI, that means there are plenty of drinks aboard – though we're sure the driver stays responsible. This boat has plenty of good vibes, and it evokes everyone's favorite clock-wearing hype man Flava Flav.
Oh man, what if it's Mr. Flav's boat? Does this famous rapper hail from the greatest state in the union? Does he like football? Maybe he's a Green Bay Packers fan. Roll out the barrel, Flava.
Thanks, Dad
A ship or a boat is a pretty big expense. Just the initial cost might cause sticker shock, not to mention equipment, repairs, berthing costs, and fuel. Altogether, it might drain a bank account, even if it does fill your heart with memories.
The Kids Inheritance is something for the entire family to enjoy, though once the inevitable happens and the kids have to split up the estate, it might get difficult to divide the boat into separate parts. We're sure they'll be able to work out some sort of time-share system.
Throw Out Your Line
If you're good at doing something, what better way to advertise it than naming your vessel after it? A baiter is someone who loves to cast out a line and reel in a big fish, and being the best at it can garner a lot of attention.
Nobody will think anything other than how good this person is at fishing when they see this ship. Hold on; we're getting a message from another department. Oh. Okay. Well, that's just crude. It still makes more sense for it to be about fishing.
He's Very Familiar with the Local Coast Guard
It's quite the tactic to flaunt the illegal way in which you got enough money to afford a boat, but there's a good reason to give a watery getaway a name like this. You see, the person behind this boat is just a pharmacist. So, while the name is perfectly correct, it's also perfectly legal!
He won't get pulled over a lot since he has the perfect cover story. He's not dealing anything illegal; he just has a profitable pharmacy somewhere on-shore! Is that going to be true every time he heads out onto the water? Hard to be sure.
Lots of Sleepless Nights
If you have a boat that is taking up all of your daytime thoughts, it's going to start taking over your nocturnal thoughts, too. Boy, it's a good thing that there's no other way to interpret this boat's name.
The person who owns this boat is always dreaming about hitting the waves, feeling the spray in his hair, the gentle up-and-down motion, the back-and-forth. The feeling of exhilaration, the euphoria, the overwhelming joy. It's enough to make a man weep and go to sleep with dreams of his next chance to rev the engines.
When You're Fine But You're Not Actually Fine
Caps off, fellas. Stand at attention as this brave soldier goes down. The name of the ship tells us to ignore the problem. The owner might have had no worries most of the time while they were out on the water, but eventually, the facts of life will catch up to you.
It's always a good idea to take a hard look at your life and worry only about the things you can control while letting the rest float away. The owner of this ship, however, might have taken this advice too literally. A little bit of water always gets in.
A Match Made in Harbor Heaven
One marina visitor noticed something strange about these two boats. See if you can figure out the connection. One fan of the water named Tom decided to have a bit of fun with the name of his handsome ship.
An entirely different member of the marina, berthed just nearby, who is a big fan of a certain movie by a certain Hollywood A-lister, decided to name his ship something just like the movie, though legally distinct in order to protect himself from any liabilities. Could this have been intentional? We may never know, but right now, we can laugh at the incredible coincidence.
A Joke of Two Boats
By now, we all know how this goes. You have an idea for something in your head. Maybe it's a piece of art like a story or a painting, maybe it's about how a vacation with the family might go, or maybe it's about how an item will fit into your life.
The owner or owners of these two boats have been around long enough to know the truth behind things. The bigger, more expensive, and much fancier ship is named “Illusion,” while the smaller and much more affordable boat – and the one that isn't as comfortable – is called “Reality.”
We Wonder What His Name Is
We aren't going to go and say that the name of this boat is the best thing we've ever seen, but at least it isn't water, sea, or nautical pun. The name of the ship is “50 Shades of Me,” a name that he ripped from the popular novel and movie series “50 Shades of Grey.”
We're told that the man who owns this boat is named Grey, but we doubt that he's of the same financial status as Grey from the series, since that Grey could have afforded a much better boat, with plenty of interesting rooms that are, for the most part, private.
A Quick Renaming
There are some things that change over time. For instance, a classic member of Egyptian mythology might now only be known as a dangerous group. That is, of course, just a random example.
And hey, speaking of random examples, it looks like the owner of this ship has decided he didn't like the old name, which began with an unknown letter and ended with “SIS.” All he had to do to put his own spin on the name was take a little bit of spray paint and add a few judicious vowels. Of course, it's always been this name. Stop asking.
We're Getting Some Conflicting Details Here, Matey
Ah, how clever the owners must have felt when they came up with the name for this ship. It's got the word knot in there – good start – and then it also has sail. Nobody is going to be getting their hands on this ship when it's out on the water.
This nautical pun makes this name a classic for the list. A problem arises when the owners decide they don't want to keep paying to keep this ship on the water and try to off-load it. The “For Sale” sign and the name on the back of the boat make for an even funnier image.
A Ship for the Ladies
This mangled series of letters do have a name in there somewhere, but it's not the kind of name you should say out loud in polite company. Stuck inside the word yacht is a rude name for those of the female persuasion.
From the picture we have, it's a little hard to tell if the ship is actually a yacht, but it's possible. Was the name of this ship there because it's for the gals of the family? Or is it for the guys of the family to get a place away from the mothers and sisters of the world? Your guess is as good as ours.
Have You Come Up With a Good Nautical Pun Yet?
This seems like the kind of name that came out naturally as the owner was trying to come up with a good name for the new member of the marina. People kept asking him if he had thought of a good one yet, and eventually, he just started saying this.
The name stuck around, and after a few hull stickers, they made it official. “'Fraid Knot” could not only be a joke about ropes and knots, etc., but from the picture we see here, it could also be an answer to the question, “Has the lake melted yet?”
How Long Will it Be?
If you're sitting on a bench or at a table and you look over to see a ship with the name “Kinda Mine,” you'll start to think. Is it “Kinda” because the owner still has to pay off the loans they took out to purchase it?
Are they still making payments, so the ship is still part-owned by the bank?. This ship, unlike a lot we've seen here, doesn't have any nautical puns – or puns of any kind – at all. It seems almost...philosophical. How does something become truly yours?
He's Ahead of the Game
For most people, the midlife crisis happens after you've settled down. You have a nice job, you've got a few kids, and your mortgage is almost paid off. After enough time of the same-old, same-old, you might start to feel stir crazy.
You might do something wild, like getting a tattoo on your back that has your favorite comic strip characters fighting a battle royal in a wrestling ring. But this person decided to just get a boat and get a head start on big off-hand life purchases. That's the kind of initiative that will help you get to high places.
Well, at Least It's Clever
It might still be weighed down by the anchor that is a nautical pun, but the name of this boat is at least pretty clever. While cirrhosis of the liver isn't the kind of thing you want your doctor talking to you about, cirrhosis of the river doesn't mean anything of the sort.
In fact, it doesn't have much meaning except for the wordplay. Still, it has that certain something – a bit of a twist on a normal phrase, even if it doesn't make much sense— it's still a good name for a boat.
Time for a Take Two
Boats can’t really be THAT hard, can they? You just, like, make a round thing of wood and make sure it floats. We guess they’re probably a little more complicated than that. The person who was in charge of making this boat might have missed a couple of lessons in boat-building school, but at least it has the right kind of name for this vessel.
People who have boats love to give them names that mean something, but this is the kind of name that is begging for trouble. Maybe the boat is there because this was the second try – in that case, maybe the person in charge of this ship should stay off the water and keep to safe, warm, dry land. That or get the “Try Again II.”
We’re on the Loose
Get all your nuts together and get them on a single boat, and you know that you’re going to have a good time. Just make sure the boat doesn’t rattle around too much, or you might have to get out the tools and go to work. What’s available to eat on this vessel? Well, there are some buttery cashews, a little bit of bitter from almonds, and we might even have some nice, crunchy walnuts to offer.
Just as long as you stay properly dressed. What kind of boat do you think this is? This ship is for a bunch of sea-ready nuts that just can’t stand to stay on dry land anymore. We have to take to the waters and celebrate our freedom when we can.
That’s What We’re Hoping for, Anyway
Is it just us, or does that boat have a highway sign on it? Maybe it’s sticking up out of the water behind it, and it just looks like it’s in the boat. Anyway, this boat is after a specific thing, and we’re surprised that anybody is ever able to get this name for their craft. The “Got Milk” campaign is so famous that it has spawned all kinds of similar campaigns for other products, parodies, jokes, and more.
We aren’t surprised in the slightest that a fishing boat somewhere out there on the water has this name. In fact, there are probably a lot more than one, but they have to be in different places. Registered with different states, or something like that. That’s why there are so many different boat names.
We Got a Couple of Quackers Here
Obviously, a lot of people who need to name their boat want to come up with something funny. They want to come up with something memorable. They sometimes want to come up with something that is a bit adult. We’re not sure if “Duck’s Nuts” is actually an adult reference, but it’s certainly memorable.
It sounds like it could be a play on words or something that you only notice if you’re saying it out loud, but we can’t seem to figure it out. Well, whatever the backstory to this one is, it looks like it gets plenty of use if those two boaters are any indication. Do they go out for ducks? It seems more like a fishing boat, but we guess the differences are going to be pretty minor.
It Will Send Out a Warning if It Detects Any Orks
It hasn’t gone off yet, but we assume that it will if the boat ever gets transported to Middle Earth or some other dangerous fantasy land. Then that name will REALLY come in handy. We’re told that this name is Dutch, and we tried to find out if it meant something else in its native tongue, but we couldn’t find anything definitive.
It does seem to be an album by the band Magma, but we are going to go out on a limb and assume that this boat isn’t named after a Magma album. We guess it’s possible, though. There aren’t very many other explanations coming to mind other than that and a warning against marauding warriors.
Embracing the Title
“Boomer” is the name of a generation that started right after World War II – all those veterans came home and started big families, creating a baby boom. The generation is starting to become one of the older ones now, and the name of the generation has actually become an insult used by those who are younger. Maybe you remember the week or so when seeing “OK boomer” would result in someone being shamed.
It went away pretty quickly, but some people embraced the idea. Maybe there’s a deeper reason for this person naming his or her boat “Boomer,” but we don’t think we’ll be able to figure it out. Maybe it’s something to do with explosions. Maybe this person was just trying really hard to come up with a unique name, and the first place checked was social media.
Sometimes Smaller Is Better
We’re going to go out on a short dock here and assume that this name comes from some kind of adult reasoning about body parts. Everybody knows that size doesn’t mean everything, right? You have to know how to use it. You wouldn’t pull out a huge hammer and use it to bang away at a tiny nail, would you? Or use a huge hammer to get a screw into a piece of wood.
Or use it to get the lug nuts off your car. Or use it to chop down a tree. You get the point. Sometimes a little boat can really come in handy. A tug boat will get a much bigger boat into port, or a small canoe can navigate a little stream. Also, it sounds like that thing that’s in your kitchen doesn’t it?
Gotta Get Out of Here
A name that is short and sweet and tells you everything that you need to know about the person who has this vessel. Or at least what that person thinks about going out on the water. A great name for a ship. Sometimes the pressures of life can be too much. The kids are having a hard time at school, or work is adding project after project to your plate, and you barely have enough time to get them all done before more land on your desk.
What is the modern man or woman supposed to do? Simple – go somewhere the boss can’t reach you, and there’s no internet, and there’s no desk you have to post up at. Even if, for some reason, you’re still working, at least you can get a little bit of sun while you’re at it.
Boaters Do Love Their Knots
If you spend even a small amount of time out on the water, you’re going to have to know how to tie a few different knots. Just having a few in your repertoire will make things a lot easier, even if you aren’t on a boat or ship. You know, a bowline, a hitch knot, a...square...joist. We don’t really know the names all that well.
The name on the top one might also have come from someone asking the owner why he or she was going to buy a boat. We also have another name, “Moonshadow IV.” What, pray tell, happened to the first three iterations? It’s a dangerous thing sailing under the moon, as this ship can attest. The waves will make things ever so difficult.
The “Black Parade” Writer Gets a Boat
My Chemical Romance is a band that plenty of people enjoyed blasting back when the band was big and they were in high school. They’re a little old school for bands by this time, but they have plenty of fans and we hear that they put on a good show. The person who owns this boat took the band’s name and made a small change.
Maybe you have to be a little off your rocker to want to own a boat (especially in this economy), or maybe this person was just trying to make his or her life a little easier to handle. Getting regular doses of sunshine is said to have a whole lot of great mental and physical benefits, so even if you don’t have a boat, soaking up the rays might help out.
Gotta Get out the Magnifying Glass
We’d be surprised if you could pick out the name of this ship without squinting and getting really close to your screen. On the back end of the boat is a name that is lit up by the sunshine, and it tells us that the person who named the boat was looking into the future when he or she picked the name “Oops.” Not much else you want to call a boat that has been left in the middle of dry land.
Boats can go lots of places, but the middle of the street is not one of those places. Likely, this vessel disconnected from the truck that was towing it, and the people haven’t come back to get it yet. We’re sure they noticed – it will be pretty hard not to notice you are no longer towing a boat.
Feel the Breeze
When you’re out on the water, it can seem like it’s just you and the power of the elements. The spray of the sea on your clothes, the wind gusting through your hair. It makes you feel ALIVE. You want to point the nose of your vessel toward the horizon and keep going until you discover a tiny island. Maybe there’s a tribe of locals.
Maybe there’s buried pirate treasure! Maybe there’s nothing, which means that you can make your mark on the place before anyone else. Sometimes, however, it’s not just the fresh air that you inhale. If there are other people on the ship, then it’s not just the spray of the sea that you might get on your clothes. Well, it’s not like the smells will linger.
They Aren’t a Cheap Addition
Boats are a pricey way to expand your relaxation options – no one can truthfully tell you otherwise. If someone comes up to you and wants to sell you a boat for less than a thousand dollars, that person is trying to scam you. For a lot of people, boats are one of the most expensive things they’ll ever own, except for maybe their homes.
Even then, if they live in an apartment and have a boat waiting for them at the marina, it could be that floating piece that is the bigger hit to the finances. It’s a nice turn of phrase for an item that likely cost five figures at the least, but we don’t think it has anything to do with boats or water. Other than sails being blown.
I’m Getting Blown All Over
There’s nothing a boat owner loves more than giving their vessel a fun, punny name. We’ve all probably heard “That’s What She Said” a million times in our lives, whether from “The Office” or in response to something in real life. If a fan of “The Office” gets a boat, then this might be the quickest and most obvious name for the ship in the world.
Of course, other than the fact that it’s a pun, there isn’t much else to say about this name. It’s a good name, but it will give people a little chuckle and then they’ll move on, forgetting it immediately. Just like any other pun, it won’t stick with them and they won’t remember it at all. Puns disappear, like a fart in the breeze.
You Bought ANOTHER One?
One boat is usually the right amount of people for a family. In a boat house that’s this big, there’s space for another one – a bigger vessel, perhaps, for when you want to have some friends over. But a third boat? Who in their right mind would buy a third boat when there isn’t even space in the house to keep it?
We’re not sure if boat fanatics are ever in their right minds, now that we think about it. Why would someone need three boats? They all seem to be well-made and kept in good condition, so it’s not like one of them is a lot older and had to be replaced. Don’t look at us, we don’t have any boats – we just like to talk about the names.
The First Thing That Comes to Mind
Yes, you have to come up with a name for your ship if you want to take it out into busy waters. But, no, you don’t have to have a name that is really complicated. We’re a little surprised that the registration office allowed this to be a name, but it’s no better or worse than any other name for a boat, we guess.
Maybe the person who bought this asked their daughter what she wanted to name the boat, but she was only four. Still, it’s a better name than “Boaty McBoatface.” Ugh. We know the internet is a sorry, sad place, but even it should be able to do better than that. Don’t ask the internet’s opinion on anything, it’s going to be wrong.
Maybe the Person Just Really Likes Horses, Too
This is what happens when a horse guy and a boat guy get together. You might think it’s not a great name for a boat, but go ahead and say it out loud. At the top of your voice. Preferably while you’re at work or in some other public place. Ha ha, we got you. Now there are people looking at you funny, or they’re trying to ignore you altogether.
Yes, “Hoof Hearted” means something a little different if you say it out loud. For some reason, it doesn’t sound the same if you just say it in your head. We wonder why that happens. Our mental voice says things much clearer, without all the tongues and lips in the way. But when we say it out loud, the truth is revealed.
Dealing With Country Matters
You can probably figure out which word this vessel is trying to allude to, and if you can’t...uh...go ask your parents. It’s also a little play on the phrase “seaward,” which just means toward the sea or the side of something that faces the sea or the water in general. Those boat owners think they’re so clever, don’t they? Mixing off-color jokes and nautical terms together in a way that is just barely reasonable for public consumption.
Who do they think they are? Coming up with clever names that will mean different things to different people. Like that’s difficult. Like you could say...uh...you could say something like...well, we have a lot on our plates right now. We could come up with one of our own right now, but we might as well just move on.
Help! The Boat’s Taking Me Hostage!
We don’t know if little canoes like this one actually need to have names, but there’s nothing stopping them, right? This name is a play on the classic film by Mel Brooks, “Blazing Saddles,” and it lets us know that the person who came up with this name has a pretty good sense of humor. Those paddles will be whipping into the water anytime somebody jumps onto this bad boy for a quick getaway from the salt-of-the-Earth townsfolk.
You know, the simple people. You know. Morons. Black sheriffs from the Wild West need to be ready for anything, even getting across the water in a boat that has a goofy name. Actually, the movie is so referential that if there was a boat in the film, it might actually have this name.
Try Not to Boat Under the Influence
Boating while intoxicated can be just as dangerous as driving on the streets in the same fashion, so let's try to keep the drinking responsible. Being out on the water without a couple of drinks will seem like it’s an impossible task to a lot of people who need a break from the horrors of dry land, but if you’re acting up, the sea police will make sure that you pay.
Literally pay, as in pay a fine. You could also be thrown in prison. Still, it’s a lot better than getting into an accident and hurting a lot of people or wrecking your boat, isn’t it? Of course, we all know that this name has another meaning, but one can only talk about disgusting boat names for so long.
The Ocean Is Famously Salty
They call it saltwater for a big reason. It turns out that the concentration of salt in seawater (also known as its salinity) is approximately thirty-five parts per thousand. That means about 3.5 percent of the weight of seawater comes from dissolved salt. A cubic mile of seawater would have enough salt to tip the scales at a hundred and twenty million tons. One single cup of seawater contains almost two teaspoons of salt.
Thus, there’s a pretty good reason why seamen were seen to be salty. If you’re living your life riding the spray, you’re going to get some salt on you. It gives the ocean its unique bouquet, leads to the decay of the wooden ships that began to conquer the ocean in centuries past, and gives us names like this one.
When Nostradamus Names a Boat
The ideal boat doesn’t receive much damage, but there are no real ideal boats. This boat got the name “Badly Bent” for some reason, and now we get to see what happens when you tempt fate in such a way. The aerials and other bits that are sticking up off the top of the ship are all kinds of mangled. We don’t know how this happened, but it kind of looks like they tried to go under a low bridge.
We know that isn’t actually a ladder up there, but it certainly looks like it. Hopefully, nobody was up there when the damage happened, because that person is going to be far worse than “badly bent.” Probably going to be something more like “badly broken and in the hospital,” so we hope that’s not the case.
After Turning the Phone Off
Maybe you’ve worked a job where you have to be on call. Maybe you’re a doctor and you have to be ready to race into the hospital at a moment’s notice. Maybe you’re a tech person for a big company, and if something goes down, you get frantic calls and demands that you fix it immediately.
There are all kinds of different reasons why you might have to have a phone attached to your hip when you aren’t actually on the clock, or even for an entire weekend. If you get the chance to go out on a boat, however, you’re pretty much safe from those things. That’s probably where we get this name since if the boat isn’t in port, the person in charge isn’t on call.
A Little Too Much Foolin’ Around
This isn’t a bad name for a boat – or even a strange one – but the II at the end of the name does raise a couple of questions. What happened to the first edition of “Foolin’ Around”? Did they fool themselves right into some rocks? Did the Coast Guard catch the fooling around, and they realized they needed to make a change?
Maybe it was just the slow ravages of time, and the first Foolin’ Around was a smaller boat that didn’t stand up to the elements as much. The owners needed to upgrade, and they decided to keep the naming scheme going strong. That’s mostly what boats are for when you think about it. You don’t go on a boat to do that much important business.
Seems Like It Would be Sticky
Now, the learn-ed man will look at this name and understand that it's a modified version of the “Kama Sutra,” a rather famous book that goes into a lot of detail about how to best get along physically with your partner in life. However, let’s break it down a little bit. A “Sutra” is a rule or aphorism in Sanskrit literature, Buddhist scripture, or Jainist scripture. They’re also a set of rules on Hindu law, philosophy, or grammar.
It’s most famous from the “Kama Sutra,” which translated means “Principles of Love.” So the Caramel Sutra would, then, be the principles of Caramel. Or maybe just the principles of sugar or something like that. Whatever it is, it will be sticky. Maybe the boat is owned by someone who owns a candy company.
A Ship With Proper Etiquette
Maybe you’re opening a door, exiting a ship, or climbing a ladder, and there are ladies present. Women. Madams. If there are some with you, it’s good manners to let them go before you, as a mark of respect. Becoming a true gentleman requires a lot of changes, and giving deference to others is one thing that you might have to get used to.
We’re sure there’s some sort of inside joke that explains this ship name a little more, but maybe they’re referring to the fact that women (along with children) are also supposed to be the first OFF the boat in case of an emergency. Maybe, but it’s hard to be sure just seeing the name out of context. For all we know, it could be ladies first up the stairs.
A Good One or a Bad One?
If you are the kind of person who owns a big fancy boat and uses it all the time, you probably have some attitude that you can bring to bear against the pressures of the modern era. Maybe it’s a laid-back attitude that is ready to relax at a moment’s notice. Maybe it's a more A-type personality that takes charge and says no, we are going out on the boat now, and we’re going to have a good time.
No matter the type, you don’t just fall into boat ownership these days. Even if you do, you can probably just get rid of it and put that cash toward something a little more useful. We’re told an owner of this kind of ship is allowed to have some attitude, so maybe that’s where the name came from.
A Way to Relax on the Water
If life is getting you down, then you might need to get over to the sea or ocean and let those stresses melt away. You know what would really make sure you are able to relax as much as possible? Adding a fine furry friend to the list of occupants.
Dogs are proven to lower stress levels, and if you combine them with the simple, bobbing motion that comes from being on the water, you’re going to feel less stressed than you ever have. Of course, you have to make sure that the dog is okay being out on the water because having to chase down a dog that has jumped out of your boat is pretty stressful. Do they make little doggy life jackets?
They Can Be Complicated
If you don’t know what you’re doing and try to tie a specific knot, you’re almost certainly not going to do it properly. Knots are serious business for a lot of people, and those who spend a lot of time on the water in one form or another spend a lot of time knowing exactly how to keep their vessels tied to the docks, the sails stuck in the proper spots, and everything else exactly where it should be.
The people who have this boat, however, might need to brush up on their rope work. Once again we see a boat that uses a pun to try and create a clever name, but once again we find out that puns aren’t really worth the time. At least this one has a little bit of artistic flair to it.
It’s a Very Small Boat
No doubt the owner of this boat is trying to figure out how to steal the much bigger boat that is also in the marina, or lake, or wherever it’s being kept. This person has tried over and over to gain access but is always being stopped right in the nick of time.
It’s a pretty good name for a boat, all things considered – it has to do with the ocean, it’s a small boat so the small size of the subject makes sense, and it’s a reference to “Spongebob Squarepants,” too. The best kinds of names are those that are able to make use of a bunch of different elements for a multilayered, multifaceted name that can be the topic of much discussion.
Mute the Ticking Clock
All of us, from the young student to the worker nearing retirement, are under the pressures of time. We have projects that need to be done. Maybe we’re wondering what our next step in life is and are watching the calendar flip faster and faster. Maybe you’re feeling the pressure of the days as you sit in your chair right now.
Stress is the silent killer, and something can be done to reduce its impact on your body. Like these people, you could get a boat and enjoy some time in the sun, the surf, and the wind coming in from the bay. Get a little bit of fishing done, read a book, or meditate on your limited time in our world. Time might not really stop, but it won’t feel like it’s rushing past as fast, at least.
Clever Wordplay? Here? It’s True!
We are delighted to show you a boat name that doesn’t have to do with some disgusting bodily function and isn’t a joke about being able to get away from work or the wife or any other of those awful things that life so often gives us without our consent. This name might still be a pun, but at least it’s truly clever, unlike so many of the other ones available for us to view.
Cirrhosis of the liver is a medical condition where your liver is permanently scarred and damaged. It’s not something you want to go through, but it can give us a fun name for a boat with a few small changes. This name makes it sound like it’s the title of a valiant knight who patrolled the waterways of the kingdom.
Spending Time With His Daughter
Every dad needs a daughter. That’s our theory and we’re sticking to it. Even if a dad doesn’t have a true biological (or adopted) daughter, they still need something to baby and pamper. For some people, this is going to end up being a boat that floats out on the water. Which one will cost more, in the long run?
Thanks to the changing amounts of inflation and other numbers, it’s hard to tell which one will be more expensive, but you can continue to buy bigger and better boats, so we’ll go with that one. This boat even has some really fancy gold lettering to proudly show off the name against the wooden back. Spending time with a daughter who loves you is a great way to spend the time, but it’s usually not like this.
It Always Goes Down Smooth
Yes, you’re probably right in assuming that the name of this boat comes from some gross adult experience and is supposed to make all those salty sea dogs chuckle to themselves when they see it, before refusing to tell the kids they’re with why they’re laughing. But it does actually have a little bit of poetry to it if you’re able to get your mind out of the gutter for one stinking moment.
What was the first swallow? We mean the bird, obviously. Did it fly above the monkeys millions of years ago? Is it a more recent development? Did the first fisherman praise the first swallow for getting rid of the bugs that plagued him? When you think about it that way, this name makes a lot more sense.
No Networks Available
Untie the ship and let it drift away from the dock while you kick back and get a little bit of all-important relaxation in. That’s the way to recover from a long week, we tell you what. You can shut off your phone, close your laptop, and get away from the internet for a good, long while on a boat like this one.
No one will send you emails about that big presentation that is coming up, nobody will call you asking for a fix for a problem, and nobody will be able to give you any more work. The name of this ship works even better since you will have to actually take it off a line in order to get anything out of it. We guess it could just float at the dock, but there can be much more.
We Hear Tom Cruise Ties All His Own Knots
To some, just being able to get a fish on a hook will seem like a huge success. To others, they have to be reeling in huge sea creatures that tip the scales for them to call it a successful day on the water. To either, what they’re looking for could feel like it’s an impossible task.
But that’s not the point of fishing most of the time, is it? No, most of the time you can just sit back, dip your line in the water, and shoot the breeze with your friends. It doesn’t even matter that much if you don’t do a lot of talking. Just being able to relax might be enough. And hey, maybe you’ll catch some dinner at the same time.
Does This Happen More or Less Often
A blue moon is said to be quite rare – looking it up tells us that they appear once every two or three years. Pretty darn rare. We’re not sure if the rarity plays into this boat’s name. Maybe the owner is talking about how often he or she actually gets to use the boat out on the water.
There is a song by the name of “Blew Moon” by a little-known artist, but other than that we’re not sure why the spelling is different. Something gross and adult? Perhaps. Maybe the owner is lamenting all the blown opportunities to take the boat out on the water due to the pressures and busyness of life. For all we know, this is how they think the term is spelled.
Where He Spends All His Time
There are lots of women out there wondering if their main man is fooling around on the side. Maybe some of them are. However, there’s at least one man we know of who does have another lady in his life: this guy. You see, boats are feminine, for some reason, and he even went the distance to give the boat a name that has a couple of different meanings.
He spends a lot of time with her, so she (the boat) is kind of like his mistress. However, as this picture shows us, it’s more about getting out on the water and relaxing than ruining any marital vows. Don’t worry honey, there’s a dash in the word. This shop is only about making sure he can handle the next week.
Maybe You Have to Be a Native
The name of this boat – and the picture, obviously – comes to us from Ullapool, Scotland, and we don’t really know what to make of it. Does it mean something different in Scottish? Is it a term that we simply don’t understand? We’ve done the research, and we’re unable to come across anything that really makes a whole lot of sense.
It might be that this boat is the kind of vessel you use for a specific type of fishing called picking. Maybe they just grab the fish right out of the water. We could be totally off the mark here, but we’re just trying to make sense of a name that we can’t fully understand. We’ve done everything we can.
I’m on the Clock
A lot of people use a boat to get away from the office, chores, taxes, and all the other pressures of life. If they have to name their boat, a lot of times they just do the simple thing and call the vessel the very reason they got it in the first place.
The person who has this boat is letting us know that when he or she is on deck, you shouldn’t come with things like more projects or emails or any of those other awful things. Just relax a little bit. Try not to relax too much, though – the coast guard is right there. Get away from it all, but be safe while doing it. After all that time you give to others, now it’s your time.
You Really Mean It?
The name for this boat came about for one simple reason – the owner told somebody that he or she was going to name the boat “after you.” The person might have thought it was an incredible gesture, but there was a bit of trickery involved. We can see the result right here. It’s also a nice way to remember to be a gentleman while out on the water – let the other boats go first if you can.
There’s no need to be rude. It is a rule that the boats with motor capabilities have to let human-powered vessels have the right of way. So this name was a funny joke, maybe a meaningful gesture, and a good way to be kind while on the water, all rolled into one.
Far More Than Six Feet
Want to stay away from other people? Want to make sure you don’t get any of their cooties? Hard to be more isolated in our present day and age than getting on a boat of your own and sailing off into the water. People won’t know where you are or where you’re going, and it’s not like WiFi from the coast can reach you there.
Maybe your boat is fancy enough to have WiFi of its own, or your data plan is really good or something like that and the internet can reach out a dripping tendril to touch you so far from shore. But if you really, actually want to get away, getting onto a boat will help you forget masks had ever been a thing.
Got to Give That Thing a Wash
It’s weird that something that is literally made to sit in water has to be washed so often, but people who have boats will let you know that there’s a lot more than water in the ocean. Salt, small organisms, and other things can hang onto the boat. It’s actually quite a hassle if there are things like zebra mussels that have been spreading from one lake to the next or a situation such as that.
Plus, if you spend enough time on the water, you’re going to pick up things like the boat squint, which covers your face in wrinkles. You could also get the salty smell that follows boaters around like they’re that one character from “Peanuts.” You might also find yourself giving boats stupid names.
Whatever Could the Meaning Be?
This boat was discovered in – where else – the Netherlands. We talked to an expert in the matter, and he told us that the name translates loosely to “The Boat.” But then he angrily told us that the French word for boat is actually “bateau.” We’d ask if you’ve ever seen a French man get angry, but he’s originally from Turkey. It’s a long story.
At least the people in this picture got the gender of the noun correct, but they still only get half points. They lost some for mixing the languages willy-nilly, and some for doing the thing we see on the internet where you put “Le” in front of a word to try to make it sound fancier. They don’t even pronounce it correctly. It’s closer to “luh” than “lee.”
I’m Very Proud of My Rope Skills
If somebody you know has learned a new skill, you might be familiar with them showing you over and over, just to prove that they can do it. It can be something like card tricks, a new language, or even the knowledge of what is, and isn’t, an S Corp.
If somebody has learned how to tie the kinds of knots required for spending a lot of time on a boat, they might be ready to show off what they know using anything they can find around the house. String, ropes, cord, belts, shoelaces, sweater sleeves, rugs that are long and thin enough, bunches of hair. Stuff like that. If you’ve learned a new skill, don’t be afraid to be proud of it. Not everyone can tie a knot.
A Big Fan of Ring Action
Two ladies step into the octagon, but only one will leave the victor. Sandy comes from the beach, where she likes to lay next to the water after training. That unsure footing has got to be good for her fighting skills in some way, right? Gina also comes from the beach, but she’s more interested in getting a dose of hot sun to keep her nice and tan.
They must have run across each other while they were in the same area, and it was the start of their long-running animosity. When these two things come together, nobody has a very good time. We’re told that the name of this boat was spotted while in a Walmart parking lot, which makes a certain amount of sense.
Just Putting It Right on the Side of the Boat
A lot of the names on this list have to do with body parts and their assorted effects. Maybe you're not in the mood for that sort of thing, so we come up with other ways to talk about it. But this vessel leaves us no choice. The word we see on this ship is a little more...common? Acceptable? Let’s go with acceptable.
It’s a little more acceptable across the pond in the United Kingdom, but it’s pretty against the rules in the States. Though of course language is always changing, as are the acceptable uses of such words in pleasant company. One hopes that it isn’t the kind of word that we hear all the time, but now it’s more so becoming a name for a doofus.
Even Parents Have to Check Their Heads
You might remember being a kid and having your head checked for lice once or twice, but you probably haven’t had to deal with it in a while, unless you live in certain places of the world. But, it turns out that dads and even moms have to deal with the little pests, too. If you’re going to ask us about the name of the boat in this picture...we don’t know.
Honestly, we have no idea what this name is supposed to be communicating to us. We can’t tell if it’s a play on words or some kind of pun or anything else. Maybe the people who named it have a story to tell about their mother and lice. But why the hyphen? We may never know.