“I’m no one’s messenger boy, I’m a delivery boy” – look, with a title like “The Postman,” how could we not make that reference? This film was set in the future and was probably released a few years too soon. Now that we’re in 2020, you’d realize that the “near future” 2013 that “The Postman” was set in was certainly nothing like the reality of that year.
With a budget that reminded us it was a Hollywood production, its box office takings paled in comparison, drawing in less than a quarter of its budget, at $17 million US worldwide. Poor Kevin Costner didn’t fare too well. Maybe they should’ve left “Waterworld” and the whole America-as-a-wasteland theme alone.
Gigli
Queen of rom-coms herself, everyone bows down for the "Maid in Manhattan," Jennifer Lopez. It seems that often, love is blind. When reviews of her performance alongside her then-boyfriend make the comment that they “lack chemistry,” you know something’s up. Mixing a mob story and a romantic comedy is the unconventional love story that Hollywood really shouldn’t have dabbled in.
Our favorite review is the one by Newsweek, “after the schadenfreudian thrill of watching beautiful people humiliate themselves wears off, it has the same annihilating effect on your will to live.” Ladies and gentlemen, the 2003 Golden Raspberry hath been served. The critic's consensus was that "Gigli" was bizarre and clumsily plotted.
Swept Away
2002’s Golden Raspberry goes to Guy Ritchie's film, "Swept Away." Starring musical legend Madonna, the film is a remake of the classic 1974 romantic Italian film. A fan of the original, critic Roger Ebert was unimpressed with Ritchie’s attempt, noting that Madonna didn’t do her role justice: “Striking a pose is not the same as embodying a person,” said Ebert.
He went on to say, “A role like this one requires the surrender of emotional control, something Madonna seems constitutionally unable to achieve.” Having the dishonor of being the Worst Picture of 2002, it really was swept away quickly from box office billboards, grossing under $600,000 in the U.S., despite a $10 million budget!
Ghosts Can't Do It
We thought "Bolero" was bad, but it seems that John Derek just can’t stay away from producing bad films. Again, another raunchy film from an equally perturbed place. Elderly Scott takes his own life after suffering a heart attack. He then comes back as a ghost and haunts his hot young, loving wife to pick and kill someone as a new vessel for his soul.
One critic said, "This movie somehow manages to top even the worst of schlock movies, such as "Fantasies" and "Tarzan the Ape Man" for sheer artistic ineptitude." If that isn’t enough to turn your stomach, then you’re on your own! Do we have to continue? This film is cringing enough.
Cocktail
Ah, a young Tom Cruise. Nowadays, he’s a hot-shot action movie star, but the actor was riding the celebrity train in the 80s. "Cocktail" was one of the many films the young actor released during that period. The film focuses on the life of a college student who works as a bartender to pay for his education. He works and works and then – oh wait, that’s it.
Lola Borg of Empire remarks, “Cruise oozes as much charm as in "Top Gun" and "The Color of Money," but the mix of bar acrobatics and Caribbean love isn't anywhere near strong enough to get you drunk.” Cruise himself admitted a few years later it wasn’t exactly the highlight of his career. 5% on Rotten Tomatoes. Next.