Dear Cary
Dyan Cannon, Cary Grant’s fourth wife, published a memoir about their marriage and life, titled ‘Dear Cary’. In the book, she talks about how much she liked Grant when they began dating, but that over time she began to see a dark side to him. She states that he was demanding and controlling, going so far as to ask her to alter her appearance and to give up on her acting career.
Following their divorce, Cannon’s career picked up and despite her ex-husband’s criticism, she ended up being nominated for three Academy Awards.
“Each New Marriage Is More Difficult”
When asked about his marriages, Cary Grant would say this: “It seems that each new marriage is more difficult to survive than the last one,” and also added, “I’m rather a fool for punishment. I keep going back for more, don’t ask me why.”
Although some might say that getting married five times does seem foolish, in the end, it appears that Grant found the right match. His marriage to Barbara Harris which began in 1981, only ended due to the tragic circumstance of his stroke.
A Rocky Start
According to Grant’s friend, Prince Rainer of Monaco, he finally did manage to make it work. Rainer said that in his last marriage, Grant was the happiest he had ever seen him. This happiness was not easily won, it took a lifetime of trial and error.
The 2017 documentary, 'Becoming Cary', includes a segment in which Grant talks about his first marriage and why it was doomed. He says, “I doubt if either of us was relaxed enough to trust what we had,” he recalled. “My possessiveness and fear of losing her brought about the very thing I had feared: the loss of her.”
A Different Man
Cannon talks in her book about the changes that took place in Grant’s behavior and attitude towards her following their engagement. She wrote, “He’d started criticizing my appearance and was agitated on our wedding day,” and added, “The following day, my ring finger started to swell up and we had to find a plumber to blowtorch my wedding ring off. If that wasn’t a sign, I don’t know what was.”
That does seem quite telling and makes you wonder if similar personality changes and bad omens occurred with any of his other wives.
A Difficult Pregnancy
Grant and Cannon’s problems did not end once they were married, and additional issues came up when Cannon was pregnant with the couple’s daughter, Jennifer. She talks about the changes in their relationship in her memoir, “By the time I was pregnant, [Grant] had also withdrawn from me physically – which is hard because, before that, we had been all over each other. Things became polite, almost cold, between us.”
Although Grant was ecstatic about being a father and doted on Jennifer, that was still not enough for the couple to make their marriage work.