Too Cool for School
If talent shows that feature math wizards are entertaining, this teacher probably would have won the grand prize. This math professor is grinning from ear to ear because he knows he did what only a few are capable of doing. This teacher was able to extract a mathematical formula to produce a politically incorrect message in time for the December holidays.
We would have been impressed if he had formulated “Happy Holidays” instead. But whatever floats your boat, teach. During the festive season, students need all of the encouragement they can get before they join their families and celebrate Christmas. This teacher knew exactly what to do.
Hand-In-Mouth Disease
Foot and mouth disease is a sickness that affects the swine population. Meanwhile, the expression "put your foot in your mouth" denotes a social faux pas. But is there a disease going around in academia that is causing teachers to put their entire hand in their mouth?
Apparently, this is done to either call students’ fickle attention or impress them. Whatever the intent is, this action can be likened to a train wreck – it is something you really don’t want to look at but simply can’t turn away from. Sometimes, teachers need to get a bit more graphic than usual to get their point across.
Ironman
Apparently, the point of the mask is to hide the teacher’s face enough to not reveal his emotions when grading papers. But then, the same goal would have been achieved by simply wearing dark glasses. Could the teacher be using grading papers as an excuse to wear an Ironman mask?
A better and cheaper solution would be for the teacher to turn his back to the class. But then, that wouldn’t be dramatic, now would it? Could Ironman have been informed that his likeness is being used in school? Probably not. We think that the real Tony Stark wouldn't need a mask if he was a teacher.
Dead Planet
This teacher is brutally cold and frank; Pluto would have died in his below-zero temperature arms – and Pluto is the coldest planet in the solar system. Alas, Pluto – according to this professor – has indeed joined the choir invisible.
Those who are in grief for Pluto’s now non-existent status, feel free to comfort yourself in the fact that Pluto may not have been a legitimate planet anyway – those who feel this statement is rubbing salt into an already gaping open wound, our apologies. If we're going to be totally honest, we miss Pluto as a planet. It was basically the little brother of the solar system.
Pizza, Anyone?
If you are into burnt pizza and love the taste of burnt crust, burnt cheese, and burnt pepperoni, you probably do not love yourself. Either that or it is highly likely you cooked this pizza into burnt perfection. Ovens have timers, cell phones have timers, and even television sets have timers.
There is no excuse to burn this pizza unless you allowed this pizza to be sent to Helen Waite. If so, then Satan is mighty proud of you. Why not brand this under his name – make sure the font is in bubble letters. It's going to be a fiery one.