Hey now, eggs are great. They’re high in protein, they taste great, and they’re surprisingly low in calories as long as you don’t add things like cheese or butter. Sure, they might not be the best thing for your cholesterol, but there are lots of other bad things, and you need some cholesterol, anyway.
But, this person must have gotten some of the information scrambled when he started meal planning, picking up chocolate eggs instead of the chicken kind. Remember all those good things you just learned about eggs? The chocolate variety doesn’t have any of that.
Praise the Cart!
We all know that words in other languages aren't always the easiest to pronounce, but French usually isn't that bad. Still, there's an odd effect of watching too much TV: you don't know how things are spelled. Of course, in the other direction, reading lots means you might not know how words are pronounced. It's a two-way street.
Anyway, this person thought the phrase “A la cart” (meaning “of the cart”) was Arabic in nature, and his friend decided the best way to get the idea through his thick skull was to call him a cement head, which is definitely going into our toolbox.
Mom Does Not Approve
A quick and brutal back-and-forth conversation shows us that not all moms are the loving kind. Her child doesn't have any plans? The shame, the horror! You couldn't even hit the bar or the club or even a baking class or something like that? You're just going to spend your night inside, alone, with what Mom assumes is a growing number of cats?
But this kind of begs the question: Why was Mother Dearest asking if there were any plans if she was just going to mock her child when the answer was no? Come on, Mom. We all have to have quiet nights once in a while.
See if I Rescue Your Cat Again
While some cats might flourish when let into the great outdoors, some cats don't. This is especially true if there are dangerous wild animals around that will very happily make a meal of your pet. One neighbor decided that he or she would rescue a pet that was wandering around outside, only to get perhaps some of the most dismissive messages in return.
Not only was the cat's owner ungrateful, but the owner then demanded to not be bothered again, and was snarky after an incredulous reply. Just let the person's cat go, buddy. Your hands are clean.
I Just Wanted to Get Pancakes
A case of mistaken identity turns into one of the funniest conversations we've seen. A daughter just wants to spend some quality time with her mom and go to IHOP. You know, get some pancakes and syrup and coffee and whatever else you might want. They serve burgers now.
The mom must have gotten a new phone, and immediately flies into a tirade. Mom insinuates that the texter is cheap, is hitting on the wrong woman, and would be a waste of time. And then the hammer drops. We don't get to see the next response, but we bet it was good.
It's All Becoming Clear
Let's do a little bit of quick math. Thirty-two dollars, one dollar per margarita. That makes for approximately thirty-two margaritas (plus or minus one margarita). One person was thrilled to find out they had only spent a little over thirty bucks at the bar until the friend pointed out the special event that was taking place at the bar.
The original texter wasn't aware of this, which tells us a lot about how the night went. The follow-up questions were probably things like “Why am I in Ontario?” or “Where did my pants go and why do I have a cape?”
Too Hot for Class
The human body should be running at a temperature anywhere between ninety-six degrees (Fahrenheit, obviously) and ninety-nine degrees. The optimum temperature, according to SCIENCE! is ninety-eight point six degrees. Of course, people are rarely that exactly, with most actually sitting in the ninety-seven-degree area.
If your temperature is above a hundred degrees, like this gal, you're probably sick, but you also probably already knew that. The kid she's texting must have gotten a little bit of information mixed up, assuming the thermometer was a pregnancy test. No, buddy, she has a fever, and she's not coming to class.
Be Sure to Check Out by Noon
Parents can sometimes feel like they aren't being appreciated. They feed you and clothe you and put a roof over your head (most of them do, anyway) and then you go out and spend all day with your friends. Some of them might just realize this is you learning your way in the world, but some of them can get sarcastic with it, as Papi has done here.
Trust us, he had lots more he could have said to his girl Harley, but being a good dad sometimes means knowing when you need to keep your mouth shut.
Read the Signs
It's a little difficult for us to parse the relationships going on here, but our best guess is that Lisa is the mother to Alexa, while Blue is the mother to Missy, who is most likely one of Alexa's acquaintances. Thus, when it was discovered that there was a sleepover in honor of what we assume is Alexa's birthday, Blue had to ask the tough questions for her daughter.
But, Lisa pointed out the obvious – Missy didn't get an invitation, so one should assume that she...you know, wasn't invited. Sorry Missy, you just didn't make the cut.
That's Some Expensive Coffee
It looks like we're missing a little bit of context for this exchange, but that doesn't mean it can't be wild. Did Blue ask White out on a date or something like that? Regardless, White responds with an eye-popping request. Three hundred dollars to meet for coffee! Whoever you are, there are people who do that sort of thing, and they don't have a very nice name.
Blue responded the way that all of us should respond – how about no. Maybe if White had asked for the coffee to be paid, that's one thing, but three hundred? Who has that kind of money?
Fancy Paint Job for Free
Blue has made a little side gig for herself, painting custom designs on shoes, and she knows what she's worth. It's a lot of work to make something look that good artistically, and something of high quality deserves recognition. She tells this to her friend, who balks at the price tag...and then goes on to insult the quality of Blue's work.
Blue very rightly tells her off, not only for refusing to pay the asking price but also for coming out of the woodwork after a year to ask for a lot of work for free.
A Future Ex-Friend
In a text thread that lasts almost an entire hour, two “friends” argue about Hulu and Netflix. One friend, Red, very much wants to use Blue's Hulu account for free and seems to not take no for an answer. Blue strikes back, pointing out that Red's cigarette habit costs way more than a monthly subscription.
Red goes off in a foul-mouthed way and has the absolute stones to call Blue a naughty word. We aren't sure which one it is, but there are plenty to choose from. Blue is probably rethinking his relationship with Red, and we bet it isn't the first time this has happened to Red.
Artless Art Theft
If you're an artistic person, you're probably careful about how your art is shared or copied. This is for sure true if you do visual art like pictures or paintings. The person on the right is on the case of someone reselling art that he or she had made, but the person on the left doesn't seem to get the picture.
He or she is calling it similar to thrift shops, which anybody could probably poke holes in without issues. The thief is saying that all the art is from him or her, even if it's taken from multiple people. This is a real, actual crime, and it could easily lead to expulsion.
Ended Over Airpods
People who have worked in a noisy environment – even something as simple as a cubicle area – know that being able to drown out the noise and listen to something they like is critical to getting through the day. Jamie here doesn't seem to get the picture and has a big problem with not being allowed to borrow a friend's Airpods.
The Airpod owner stands firm, and Jamie goes off the deep end, jumping straight to curse words and blocking the friend...which is fine. We get the feeling from the way Jamie acted that this friendship wasn't going to go the distance anyway.
Just Casually Asking for Help
Oh, no big deal, this person is just looking for a little schoolwork help. Specifically, this person is looking for a fully written paper that is on a specific topic. We can't really blame Blue for not giving much of an answer, but White isn't to be stymied.
He or she presses the subject, which has Blue respond with a pretty hard no. It looks like this relationship is already on the skids, and Blue does his or her best to keep it from getting any worse. But that isn't enough, and White starts to go off. We don't see it all, but we think this is where the relationship ends.
A Long-Distance Friendship Finally Ends
Two people reconnect over a desire for some live music at a little event, but the amount being offered simply isn't enough. Plus, the distance has increased recently, and that's a lot of travel time and gas money. It seems like a no-go from the start, but the friend on the left keeps trying, and trying, and trying, offering food and drink, and offering the speakers and mic.
But a lot more is needed, and fifty dollars for all that time and travel just isn't going to cut it. The friend on the left doesn't take it very well, and after two years of silence things probably move back in that direction.
The Clothes Fiend
Blue tries so hard – SO HARD – to be diplomatic during this entire conversation. Two gals get into a discussion about one of them borrowing clothes, but it's not going to work out, since Blue was planning on wearing that outfit already and doesn't have anything else that will fit White.
White doesn't seem to take this the right way, deflecting reasons and bringing up imagined insults. It gets worse and worse, with White demanding clothes, and Blue pointing out a sordid past that the two have had when it comes to swapping outfits. But she can't afford clothes – that new Lexus is pricey.
Hey. Pay Your Friends
Do you know how much a web designer makes per hour? Anywhere from thirty to sixty dollars. What about a web developer, which is definitely a different job? You're reaching more toward a hundred dollars an hour, and that's on the low end. So when this guy started looking around for a web designer, thinking he would get it for free from a friend of a friend, he was totally, totally off his rocker.
It's a lot of work putting all those pieces into place and making them look good. A bad website can ruin a customer's experience and ruin a sale, so next time, bud, just pay an expert.
Sorry, Why Exactly Is This Person Angry?
Here's a bit of backstory: Blue is a custom PC builder, an industry that has had a bump in recent years thanks to the number of people who are getting into the gaming scheme for any number of reasons. $1300 a pop is nothing to sneeze at, and even that might be on the low end of what people are paying.
So when some random guy (as far as we can tell) hits the builder up with a too-late offer of five hundred, it seems almost laughable. He then gets kind of unreasonably mad that the computer was already sold. Too little, too late.
Nothing to Bargain With
Trying to do a little bargaining? We getcha. It's something everybody should know how to do, even if you don't use it all the time. You could eke a little bit more out of a raise, knock down the price on a big purchase, or find cool items like headphones for cheap.
This person doesn't know how to bargain. First off, Beats are pretty famously not very good headphones. They have the branding and they have the sleek look, but that big price tag is pretty much all for the name on the side. Airpods aren't much better, and certainly not better than Sennheisers.
We Just Want to Play Some Pool
If you had someone randomly text you up and ask to have a couple of guys over to use your pool table, would you be cool with it? Even if the rando in question wasn't — as in this example — a bunch of random people that you've never met, things would have to be perfect for you to out of nowhere be fine with this. And things weren't perfect here, they weren't even close.
The parents were over, and this friend apparently has the habit of trashing a place. And then he has the stones to say he and his mates will just show up anyway, which is how the cops get involved.
Air-Mail Clothes
If you're confused about what, exactly, is going on here, you aren't alone. Apparently, there's someone out there that will save pictures of friends wearing clothes, and then ask people to mail the clothes over for a specific event. To call this a gutsy move is almost to undersell it, and we wonder how many people have ever actually responded in the positive.
Blue certainly didn't. There was no please, no reasoning, no lead-up, no offer of payment – nothing. After Blue's reasonable response, White thinks that she got the last word in, but just cemented her very low manners.
A Very Loose Definition of “Problem”
Maybe you have some artist friends. Maybe you're an artist friend yourself. Maybe you sculpt or paint or write poetry or bake or design custom refrigerator paint jobs. If you do that last one, hit us up. Maybe you or your friends have some stories about people who want free artwork without having to pony up the cash.
Pretty much everybody who is in that sort of trade has a story like this one, where someone is totally amazed that you would ask for money. This one goes above and beyond by saying Blue has a “problem.”
Generous but With a Spine
This guy seems like a good lad – giving away his old stuff without asking for anything in return. First, it was a fully-functioning TV, next it was a vivarium used to hold animals like fish or lizards. As you can see, he could have gotten a good amount from these into his pocket, but no, he just gave them away.
Both times, the person he gifted the object to came back with a request. First for money for a remote, second for the lights to go above a vivarium. Come on, people. Just be happy with what you're getting already.
Those Sicknesses Out There
Yes, there are still colds and the flu and things like that going around. This interaction certainly isn't the worst thing on this list, but it still gets off on the wrong foot. Blue lists off a bunch of symptoms, with White asking to hold off on a diagnosis to see if it might be a false positive, something that we've all dealt with.
But, quickly, Blue comes back with the fact that he or she is unable to even rise out of bed. This isn't a false positive, bucko. It's a real, actual positive.
Money for Nothing
If a friend messaged you saying he was broke, what would you do? There are probably some people that would say tough luck, but there might be some that are willing to pony up a little bit of cash to make sure he stays safe. But what if he was just going to use it to hit the bar?
The number of people who would be willing to help would drops dramatically. The person on the right even says that he'd be willing to buy his bud some food, but no, the bud doesn't want that. He wants to have a night out.
Things Have Value
Phones change hands a lot these days, and we're sure we don't have to tell you why. They're critical to keeping up with friends and family, they let you learn about the news of the world, they let you use things like Doordash or Uber, and there's a lot more they can do. Like minesweeper.
Even the simplest, most basic smartphones are worth far more than forty dollars, but this guy was trying really hard to find a deal. A little too hard, unfortunately. He picked a mark that wasn't willing to part with his cell for less than half a G.
Second-Hand Snottiness
The guy just wants to borrow some golf clubs, what's the big deal? The big deal is that a single club can cost a couple of hundred bucks. An entire set is going to be a grand at least, and for someone that just wants to play around with a bud, that's not worth it.
A set of old Wilsons is fine for almost everybody – except for this guy's friend, who went on a tirade about Wilson, even going all the way back to “Castaway,” which prominently features a piece of Wilson gear. Well, it's Wilson or nothing, buster.
That's Not How Money Works
Let's see if we can get this straight. White owes Blue a hundred and fifty big ones, and Blue just wants the money back. Even getting a little bit back would be nice. And then White tries a very strange and also very stupid tactic, which is to offer work to Blue that would earn him not even the amount that he is owed.
That would, we will point out, not be White paying Blue back. That will be Blue earning his own money. You know that we know that, and Blue knows that, but White must have missed the memo.
The Dangers of the Marketplace
Selling something on Facebook Marketplace can net you some sweet cash or a nice item at a reduced price, but you might also find people who aren't happy that they're missing out on something that could have been theirs. Aiden here gets quite a bit heated when he finds out that a reclining loveseat has gone to someone else, even though he was interested.
He cusses out the person that was trying to get rid of the piece of furniture, which makes the “seller” happy he didn't help out Aiden. Remember everybody, you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.
The Perils of Hooping
Two buds want to get up to some ball, but one of them doesn't want to have to bike to the court. He asks his friend (in white) to drive him, but White says he doesn't want to spend the extra money on gas. The friend in black takes umbrage with this as if gas was free and you could just have as much of it as you want anywhere.
White kind of goes off on his friend at the end there, and we can't say it wasn't warranted. If you're asking your friends for something, you have to accept that they might say no.
Let Me Just Order Some Sirloin for You Then
Unlike many of the conversations on this list, this example begins with someone reaching out to another and making a very generous offer. If you don't have anything in the pantry, then canned food and rice are going to seem like a godsend. Heck, just chicken and beans are enough for some people to get by.
It's not good enough for this person, however, who makes a face and then meows like a cat at the idea of eating canned food and rice. Sure, why not. Maybe this person doesn't have a can opener?
Tattoos for the Taking
Yeah, when people are still getting their feet under them in the tattoo business, they might pay to have a nice, fresh canvas for practice, but not if they're several years into the industry like this guy is. Tattoos are worth big bucks if you're getting them done right, and it's clear that the friend on the left was just trying to score himself some free ink.
Blue wasn't having any of it, however, pointing out that there are plenty of people who will pay him, which also lets him practice his trade. Thanks though.
That One Kind of Friend
There are lots of worse people than this friend, who seems to have a never-ending number of requests about this or that or the other thing. Everything from adopting a cat to using someone as a job application even though they haven't seen each other in five years.
However, the constant asker seems to take all of the negative answers in stride. Is this an intentional tactic to deal with one of the many, many issues that this person has, or is it just him trying to get out from under all the work he has to do?
It's Like a Ladder
Every episode builds upon the next one. You can't just start at who knows where in the middle and think that he'll understand all the nuanced character choices and political drama that's going on. Plus there's all the killing. Lots and lots of killing. Just, like, so much killing. Wait until he's six, at least. By then he'll be into “Spongebob Squarepants,” and that's pretty much just as violent.
Are there any other problems with that idea? Nah, we can't think of any. In the meantime, we recommend a white noise machine. They do wonders.
Moms Know the Score
Who knows exactly what happened to make this kind of message necessary, but apparently it involved a lot of crying. Spicy crying. Did you know that eating spicy foods improves your mood? It's true!
You may be familiar with something called serotonin, which helps your body naturally reduce depression and stress. Well, eating spicy foods boosts your body's production of this substance. It's produced in response to the spicy heat, which the body interprets as pain. It gets pretty complicated after that, but if you're feeling down, try some jalapenos. And if you're drunk, text your mom, not an ex.
We Are All Scared Now
Don't mess with moms. They've been putting up with your monkey business for far too long, and clever stuff like this, funny as it is, might not fly. Mom only has so many hours in the day trying to keep you alive, well-fed, and happy, so don't go antagonizing her.
And it looks like this conversation just got in the way of her shopping at Target. You went and disturbed Mom at her happy place with something you knew would make her pull a face, so don't be surprised if you get grounded when you're home.
Like Ships, Passing in the Night
You might not recognize it, but we see a lot of phone numbers while we're driving through town. They're so ubiquitous, that we don't even register them anymore unless we're specifically looking for them. But if you are looking for them, you might be able to end up making a friend, even if it's the kind of relationship that lasts a mere four text messages.
Still, having the guts and temerity to reach out and connect with someone just because you're suffering through the same kind of traffic is nice to see in this day and age.
It's an Easy Mistake to Make
You know, they do look a lot alike, don't they? And they must be pretty happy to have both been famous, though the Rock doesn't get much press nowadays. His twin Dwayne is grabbing all of the headlines with starring appearances in one movie after another, though.
If you want to be able to tell the difference, The Rock has a short 'do, while Dwayne Johnson is clean-shaven on top. That's the only difference. Funny how you've never seen them in the same place at the same time, though. Well, The Rock must be enjoying his time out of the spotlight.
There's Just Too Many Daves
Don't get your Daves mixed up, people. It can lead to some pretty embarrassing interactions with someone you haven't spoken to for several years. You could also give people more than just a first name when you add them as a contact on your phone, that's another option. Or at least give them an epithet, such as “Dave (driving instructor).”
That would help you to avoid these issues a lot. Then again, there are so many Daves out there it's always going to be hard to keep them all straight. At least they aren't as bad as Joshes. A dime a dozen, those Joshes.
Where's My Ice Cream, Jenny
Jenny ate some ice cream. That's not a surprising statement – Jennys love ice cream. In fact, Jennys aren't special. Lots of people love ice cream. Even cats love ice cream. This shouldn't come as too much of a surprise, since cats like milk, and ice cream is really just fancy frozen milk.
This conversation has Jenny agog that there is this much consternation about her eating some ice cream, even if it was usually meant for a cat. The picture is the perfect finishing touch. As an aside, don't give cats too much ice cream. Most cats are lactose intolerant.
It's Two Words. You Can Do It
It really doesn't seem like a big deal not to say “bless you” after someone has sneezed, but just think. All it takes is to say two simple words, and you could end up making someone's day.
They think no one is paying any attention to them, they sneeze, and then there you are with the well-wishes. The boyfriend in this story seems to think it's the right thing to do, even if his girl does think he's being dramatic. Hey, both can be right. The look over the shoulder seals this short interaction as hilarious.
He's Trying Really Hard
Cole here seems dedicated to getting his significant other/crush in the mood for a little bit of flirting over the phone, but Green isn't having anything to do with it. She's in bed enjoying a nice bowl of cereal, and nothing is going to stop her from doing so, even if Cole appeared and the cereal disappeared.
She's her own lady, which means she knows how to get a snack no matter what the situation is. Sounds like some good cereal. The kind that is barely even cereal – it's just a sugar transportation device. Cookie Crisp or Lucky Charms or something like that.
Uh, Sorry?
It's true. Facebook Marketplace is something that everybody should experience at least once in their life. Whether you're selling or buying something, you might be surprised to find that there are a lot of weird people out there, and they're all on Facebook.
One good example is this guy, who refuses to read the words that are in front of him, telling him the TV is no longer available and then blames Blue for wasting his time. He even bumped up the price a little bit to try and sway the seller who, we remind you, still did not have the TV anymore.
A Double-Cross for the Ages
Another wrong number, another chance to have some fun with someone who is about to be a little disappointed. This person, who definitely isn't Tina (or maybe it is? No. Couldn't be) decides instead to send a picture of him with his cats in order to soften the blow of the wrong number.
He even goes for the head fake by saying yeah, it is actually me, Tina. But it was just the setup for another letdown. At least the letdown came with another picture of a cat. We aren't always so lucky.
All Worth It
This was quite the setup, and we can be pretty sure that White was upset, but that's a little too bad, isn't it? We might pay two hundred dollars to see this actually happen, but whatever Blue was selling had a much higher price point.
He even stated it right there in the text message at seven hundred. White seemed to think that less than a third of that was a good comeback, and Blue took him on a wild ride so he could get the laughs that joke deserved. Well, we all got a good laugh out of it, anyway.
He Got in a Jam
Once you have a decade or two under your belt, you know how to recognize blood on sight. It might be sooner for some, but eventually, we've all had enough time on this earth to know what is pumping through our veins.
Unless you're young and/or drunk, you can pretty easily recognize the substance that guy is wearing as something you put on bread. He wanted to impress his girl – we assume – and have her come over to help him out, but she wasn't buying it. He'll have to clean himself up. And maybe take out that earring at the same time.
He Was the Star of the Show
Trying to convince someone you are or aren't drunk is a losing proposition a hundred percent of the time. If you are drunk, all they have to do is something like flick your forehead and it will be pretty clear.
And people who know what it's like to be drunk can tell at a moment's notice if you're trying to fake it. And then there's this guy, who gave away the game by chatting up a spud instead of a bud. The best part is the toy in “Toy Story” wasn't even a real potato, it was just a Mr. Potato Head.
What if I Went at Night?
Lots of people have used text conversations to try to get ahead in their love lives – everybody, truth be told, as long as they're still in the game. This guy (we assume it's a guy because...I mean, come on) decided to shoot his shot, but he didn't get anywhere near his target, who was prepared with the perfect comeback.
It seems as if this potential beau wasn't feeling the heat, but don't worry my man, there are always big, burning balls of gas in the sea. No, wait.
Dress for the Job You Want
There are some people out there who aren't happy with their employment. Maybe it isn't as rewarding as it could be, maybe it doesn't pay that much. There are lots of ways to get past this, but one thing to do is to think about your job in the best possible light.
Sure, delivering pizza might not be the fanciest thing to do during your work time, but you have an important job. You're getting people the pie they need, and that's always a good thing to do. Call it whatever you like, as long as it's within thirty minutes.
If You Step Up to Mom You Have to Bring the Best
You might be tired of the jokes and gags that your parents pull, but they can bring the heat when they need to. You might think you're a smarty because you watch Tik Tok or whatever and that makes you hip and cool, but nothing beats a burn straight off the dome.
After raising you, they can probably take anything that you're able to dish out. This mom didn't even hesitate before she dropped the bomb on one of her children, not only proving her child wrong but making sure that kind of talk doesn't come up again.
Could I Be Adopted By Someone Else, Then?
It's okay, you can admit it. Every child has this thought in their head at some point, even if it's for a silly reason. I thought I was adopted because I was the only person in my family that didn't like mustard. But, after a few quick words from your biological parent (assuming), the feeling will go away and you'll go back to whatever it is you were doing.
There's also this tactic, which has a dad point out that a child such as his wouldn't get adopted by anybody. Which is quite harsh, even if it is true.
Know When to Say It
Having proper grammar is important if you want to be understood. It helps you get ahead in business, it can make you seem suave, and nothing beats knowing the difference between their, there, and they're.
Then again, if you're just chatting with a buddy, you don't have to be at a hundred percent all the time, and somebody who is old enough to get tickets to a major league sports game probably knows how to handle themselves when they need to. Sure, you can put in a word if they're working on a speech, but being ornery about the rules leads to being disinvited.
Tricking the Computers
The internet, phone systems, and computers have done a lot to make our lives better, but there are still some things that we can't get around, including data caps. Still, that doesn't mean that you can't have a little bit of fun once you've hit your limit.
It's like a high-tech version of saying “loser says what” really quickly, except it isn't as annoying. There isn't even a person seeing the funny messages, and it's not like computers have feelings, right? So, if you ever hit your data cap, just start messing with the systems. At least you'll get a laugh out of it.
It's Open and Shut
To call this one a cold case is to do it a little bit of a disservice. Investigators were stumped when the Egyptian army disappeared and their slaves escaped across what should have been impassible water, but we're pretty sure the statute of limitations has passed for this one.
It's strange to send a question about what appears to be a legal question to a number that you don't know. Blue went with the flow, however, and played along, even if it was a little off-the-cuff and might have brought up an angry response. Thankfully, everything was cool.
Classic Nikki
We all have this friend. You know the one. The one where you can make a joke that is one hundred percent making fun of them, and they might not even notice. And even if they do, they're cool with it!
They're the punching bag, the butt monkey, the fool of the group. But the fool is one of the most important parts of any group of friends since it allows people to bond against a common “foe.” Of course, he or she is just a friend like any other. Poor Nikki here is one of these people, and her friends are better for it.
Tooting to the Beat
Of course, someone named Dave would pull this at a restaurant. Daves tend to focus on their music most of all, even if it means embarrassing themselves in a public place. This particular Dave must have really been rocking out if he didn't remember that his music was coming from his headphones and not from speakers on the ceiling.
We have to assume that he was listening to some of his favorite Bossa Nova songs, or maybe a little bit of Louis Anderson if he thought that his gas was going to escape notice. At least something with a tuba.
Just Wait. He'll Get It Eventually
Try this the next time you're busy with a project and don't want to get dragged into a long text convo with someone who doesn't know the meaning of “do not disturb.” It's not the kind of tactic that will work for everybody, but don't be surprised if even one of your smarter friends falls for it.
Of course, you still run the risk of meeting up for the next time and having your friend slap you across the head. Or, maybe it will be the kind of thing that you can use over and over for the most oblivious of pals.
So It's Not Going Well, Then
Hey now, eggs are great. They're high in protein, they taste great, and they're surprisingly low in calories as long as you don't add things like cheese or butter. Sure, they might not be the best thing for your cholesterol, but there are lots of other bad things, and you need some cholesterol, anyway.
But, this person must have gotten some of the information scrambled when he started meal planning, picking up chocolate eggs instead of the chicken kind. Remember all those good things you just learned about eggs? The chocolate variety doesn't have any of that.
Lessons From the Master
It seems like this is the kind of thing that Kevin knows a little too much about, which means you should take everything he says with a grain of salt. Also, is that actually trolling? We're pretty sure that trolling is purposefully getting someone angry, and that's not what this is.
This seems more like just pulling a prank on someone who is already nervous. But anybody who knows much about roller coasters is aware that they don't really use nails anymore – unless they're riding a really old wooden coaster. These days it's mostly nuts and bolts and screws.
They're the Most Fun
As long as they're the right kind of drunk, having a few drunk friends can sometimes be the best. As long as they don't stick someone's expensive electronics inside a blender. In case you've forgotten, a blender is a tall bowl that is full of blades, and it's made to chop things into little bits.
They're a lot more interesting when you think about them that way. Jake knew this even after having a few, and he also managed to have a clever quip while he was getting up to his mischief. It's a great joke, there's no denying it.
What Do You Mean “Sort Of”?
Those phones aren't really built to last through big hits, what with all the little glass bits and electronic parts and fiddly buttons. We've all dropped them or kicked them or pushed them off a table while reaching for them while we're lying in bed.
But very few of us have ever broken one of our phones by taping it to a fan blade so that it would hatch Pokemon eggs. We wouldn't be surprised if there's only one person in the entire world who has ever done that. And we have the evidence right here.
Well, You Did Say
They've really covered everything. We have nothing else to add when it comes to this person's location – they're even going off of the multiverse theory. There's no way for this child to be lost now, even if the mom isn't all that happy about the overabundance of information.
She asked, the child answered, and the mom was somehow upset about it. It's kind of like a cold war between nations, but one of the nations is way, way stronger and has all the power, and is in complete control. The smaller nation does what it can, but it isn't much.
How...How Did...
This guy looks just as confused as we are. Indiana and India might start with the same five letters, but other than that there are no similarities. One of them is famous for fragrant food, tigers, and lots of other things, and the other is Indiana, which is famous for...hold on...vast farmlands and a really long race and, like, high school basketball.
From the way the girl responds to his message, it seems like there was a little bit of tension in the relationship, but we still don't think he would go so far as to go to the other side of the world to get away from her.
Is It a Dog? Is It a Cat? What the Hell Is This?
First things first, get your animal encyclopedia out before complaining about the neighbor's pets hanging about in your back yard. Besides four legs we can't really see a resemblance between this Racoon and a cat. Not even a stray cat.
We are unsure if this neighbor even has a cat, but this is quite alarming. There is a raccoon wandering around free in their neighborhood and they don't think they have to do anything about this. Their only concern is who the raccoon belongs to.
LinkedIn? What if You Want to LinkedOut?
So after Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Tik Tok it's time for another social media platform to fill our lives with more things we don't need. And here is a perfect example of what can happen and how things can go to the extreme. All this dude wanted was some peace and quiet.
However, if he would have just accepted the invite he could have saved himself from all of that aggravation. Just accept the invite. It's not that difficult. Just accept! And that is ladies and gentlemen how social media works.
Too Drunk for Walking
What was this young person (we assume it was a young person) having to drink that night? Can we have some too? Thumbs up to the dear old mother (we know it's a mother. No one would have gone out in the middle of the night for this) who found herself picking up her drunk kid at 2 AM as if she didn't have anything better to do.
So next time you go out drinking there are a few ground rules. Number one, don't have too much to drink. Number two, if you're going to have too much to drink, make sure you have a friend on alert and leave your mother alone. You will need her and her spare room in the future when your partner kicks you out.
The One With the Frosted Flakes
No matter how drunk this person was, he could still pull off an advanced math problem. 10 points for that. Now, about the frosted flakes. Are they sure they had the entire box? There is a reason we are asking this.
Following the response he got, it seems that no one was concerned that this dude ate an entire box, they just wanted to know if they could adopt this for the next time they want to get high.
This Dude Needs a Lot of Help
We appreciate honesty, we like people who are upfront and we certainly love this guy for setting his friend straight. Who's the cat? What drink? Why did he think anyone would understand what he was going on about?
One piece of advice a day. Set up the autocorrect so it doesn't work. Especially when you're out drinking. Unless there was no autocorrect used here and this guy really does need help.
Poke-mom
Children's games have changed slightly in the past few decades that's for sure. 20 or 30 years ago life was all about hide n seek and today it's about hunting for pokemon with your cell phone.
Parents have got to learn the language if they want to be part of their kids' life. So next time you see a 10-year-old wondering in the playground holding his cell phone towards the horizon, you'll know exactly who they are seeking.
A Wedding Proposal
There are many things to do before you pop the big question and one of them is making sure the one that dumped you years ago, doesn't still have feelings for you. And this is exactly was this guy did.
His ex on the other hand wasn't sure what he was on about so we can assume they don't have any hidden feelings. Another thing to do before proposing — get a life.
Poetry Lesson
Apparently, there are no rules as to where you can do what. Take this as an example. Some use the toilet as a toilet — meaning space to mind your own business and, read a book and think, and some people take full advantage of the space like this tweeter.
This dudette uses the toilet room to catch up on poetry lessons she missed in high school. All she was lacking was a bit of inspiration. Just give the kids some space and inspiration and the drop-out rate will dive down.
Grammarly Wrong
If you're going to put someone down at least get your spelling right! Write? Right!! When Sam first read this he supposedly got the wrong impressing. What did his mother want from his disappointment?
And what we love about this, is that it's the kid (we chose to believe this is a kid she is writing to and not her partner or friend) who is correcting the mother. Love it!
Cough Drops or not?
Is it ignorance, a generation gap, or innocence? We don't know and honestly, we don't care. Even if this image was coughing, what made this mother think her kid would change their mind and make that extra stop?
Or maybe this was the reason this mom needed some cough drops in the first place? Who knows. We prefer not to think about it.
Choosing the Right Neighborhood Is Important in Life
Singing. That's for sure what one does with kids. And if you're a nanny then there is really nothing else you can do than to sing to the kids. Just beware of the outcomes.
To all the nannies out there. Having your brains blown out is something that might happen if you don't balance your singing time and especially if you have single, kid-free dudes for neighbors.
Hanging in There
This has got to make you laugh. This cool mother is so OK with her son or daughter being wasted and them still believing they can fool their mum as if they invented drinking too much on a Saturday night.
Next time we suggest they bring proof of their sobriety, as their mother will continue believing that she has raised a drunk.
Call the Wire Fire!
This mother has for sure called the emergency fire department on more than one occasion not because she was caught in a fire but because she is a little confused. Just a little.
How did she get from wifi, a word with two syllables and two 'i's', to wire fire, which has no relations whatsoever? Does she call Instagram In Stay Gram? or Facebook Face & Book? Go figure.
Trust in Yourself
When the sun has set and the party is over, there is no one you can rely on better than yourself. Thankfully this dude had his cellphone to communicate with himself. By the look of it, no one else gave a dam if he arrived home safely or not.
So next time you're out and about galavanting, make sure your cell phone is fully charged. You never know where you might end up.
The Worst Autocorrect Ever
It's because of text messages like this that autocorrect has to be deleted and never used again. Now this conversation was between Laura and Grace, but could you imagine this happening between a mother and son?
Or between a father and daughter? Or between one friend and best friend number two? Or three? So we go back to the original suggestion of deleting the autocorrect. It will make life so much easier.
Like a Type Writer, Just Smaller
Just as you thought your mom has figured out how to use SMS, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, or any other communication platform, she has to ruin it. What did we ask for? Not too much.
All we want is for parents over the age of 59 to know how to use the most basic devices. It shouldn't be that difficult. It's like a typewriter, just smaller.
Jaws #5
Modern technology is magnificent, isn't it? We can almost hear the Jaws theme music through this text! Yes, the image of the shark wrapped this up and verified our assumptions but this is brilliant.
Having said that, one thing is still unclear. Dan, the Jaws fan, is very clear and precise with his messages, but what on earth does Tit mean?